Jordyn
Story: A young woman envisioning a conversation with her sometimes-friend, whom she is in love with, telling him off for the way he has treated her throughout their relationship, and saying she is done with him for good. She spends the rest of the night having a good time with her friends.
Likes: I really liked that although Josie has a very clear idea of what is going on with Tucker, it is clear that he would most likely have something very different to say. I also thought that Josie’s thought process throughout this story was well done. She swung back and forth a lot (much like the relationship between the two of them), but ultimately made a decision based on what she thought she deserved.
Questions: Even though it’s not what this story is about, this made me very curious about Tucker’s side of the story.
Suggestions: The biggest suggestion I have is to make it a bit more clear what exactly Tucker has done that was so cruel to Josie. You mention snide remarks, side eyes, and blowing her off, but there aren’t any specific events that really showcase his cruelty, even though it has affected her just as much as their friendship.
Lizzie
Story: In the distant future, a species of aquatic humanoids is the dominant species on Earth. One of them, a researcher who has made it his life’s work to study the human species and their disappearance, works to find the final piece of evidence he has been looking for.
Likes: I liked the kind of open ending you had for this story, because even though it felt like a beginning in some ways, it did mark the end of the story we were being told, and contained it in the short story format. I also liked the premise/world of your story. The history, and the descriptions of the underwater world and its residents are really amazing.
Questions: What is the relationship of the average merperson with humans (or rather, the idea of humans)? What exactly is the connection Stephan is trying to make with his research? What would a discovery proving his theory mean for their society?
Suggestions: There is some conflict in this story (Stephan being frustrated because he can’t reach the ledge). However, it feels like it is resolved very quickly after it is introduced, and, although the character’s frustration with the situation is apparent, there isn’t enough time to really let the tension build up.
Kenzie
Story: While exploring a cave, a high school student falls into an unmapped area and encounters a mysterious stranger about their own age. They discover that the stranger has made this place their hideout, and the two of them start on the path to becoming friends.
Likes: I really liked the dynamic of the two characters, as well as the comforting vibe toward the ending of the story. Your descriptions of scenery and sensations were also amazing, and they really pulled me into the story.
Questions: What’s going on with Sunny? Their personality shines through quite clearly, but I’m curious about their backstory.
Suggestions: For the first half of the story almost, I was pretty sure something really bad was going to happen to your main character (primarily because they were lost and alone in a cave where there was evidence of another unseen person), but the rest of the story subverted that expectation. You could use this to your advantage (perhaps to develop a theme!), but you may want to be careful of some of that tension from the earlier part of the story seeping into the later part.
Brady
Story: Two demigods are taking a break from their busy and hectic lives to go on a date.
Likes: I liked the parallels of each character’s waking thoughts, and the contrast they made. I also really enjoyed the fact that you set a very slice-of-life story in a fantasy world. It was very fun to read.
Questions: How did Isaac and friends find out about being demigods? And what kind of relationship do the “normal” people of this world have with all these gods and monsters?
Suggestions: I was a little taken aback by the worldbuilding bit at the beginning, although you did do a fairly good job of keeping it concise. It may be easier to handle if you broke it up a little more, and integrated it into different areas. I think it might also be a good idea to integrate some hints about what their days are usually like; we know they are busy, but what are their duties? What kinds of things do they have to worry about?
Jenna
Story: A young man experiences a car crash, but escapes unhurt, and tries his best to put it behind him as others in his life worry. Among these is his best friend, who comes to visit him afterwards.
Likes: That ending!! It really blew me away, because the other passages do show differences between the two characters, but in those last two it really hits home how not on the same page they are. I also really liked the format you used for the story, it allowed for a really close look at the characters thoughts but wasn’t confusing at all when switching between them. It also worked to give the impression of their experiences happening at the same time, and feels almost conversational.
Questions: I’m kind of curious about why your male character is so, so set on convincing everyone that he’s alright? What is preventing him from being vulnerable?
Suggestions: I think it might be good to see a little more of the “not okay” that your character is experiencing. Almost his entire point of view is him just trying to push everything aside, and it think it might benefit from a moment or two where he just can’t do that. We do sort of get one when he’s trying to go to sleep, but I think it may be good to write in a moment where he just can’t deal with his family anymore, or when something someone says affects him in a way he doesn’t expect.
Sophie
Story: A girl is spending time with her friends at the end of the summer faces her fear and takes a dive off of a bridge.
Likes: I enjoyed the timelessness of this story, and I really liked the way your main character’s thought process went; it was easy to see the fear and adrenaline, and how she was fighting not to be overtaken by them. It works especially well because not only does she spend the story on the edge of this bridge, but also on the edge of this choice. Also, the fourth wall break made me laugh.
Questions: When did you envision the story taking place? How old are the characters? (These questions, especially the first one, don’t really need to be addressed, but I am curious. I also may have just missed them)
Suggestions: Although I thought the fourth wall break (where she talks about if she was a character in a story) was funny, I’m not sure about its place in this story. It jolted me out of it a little bit.
Mackie
Story: Two close friends struggle with their feelings for one another, as one of them is already in a relationship. Eventually, one ends his relationship, so that the two of them can be together.
Likes: I liked that you gave this story a happy ending. I feel like oftentimes in stories like this one you find that either the two never get together or they do and it ends up being an affair or an unhealthy relationship, so this felt like a good change. I was also glad for the side characters, because they gave an idea of that the main characters’ lives were like outside each other, and it was nice to see the two leads having a nice friend group.
Questions: What kind of problems did Angela and Lincoln have and how did she hurt him? How did Florence and Lincoln meet? Also, what do you think the reaction of their respecive friend groups would be to the relationship.
Suggestions: On page 4, the main character says she had a conversation with Angela, although I think it was supposed to be with Lincoln. I am curious about you chose to write the story from Florence’s perspective when it seems like Lincoln went through the most change in this story (this is a real narrative technique, but I’m curious about your intention with it)? If you want to show Lincoln going through with a breakup that he’s been avoiding, in order to act on his true feelings, it might be better to write from his perspective.
Bridget
Story: The Sun and Moon are in love, but their duties in the sky prevent them from ever seeing each other. They confess their feelings to each other, but they are destined to love each other from a distance.
Likes: The descriptions in this story are amazing, the details are beautiful, and I really love the mythological aspect of it. My favorite thing is the bittersweetness of the ending. They’re in love, but they can’t live happily ever after. They must accept being apart. But it doesn’t stop them from loving each other.
Questions: What was the intended setting of this story?
Suggestions: I like the direction you’ve taken your story, but it might be interesting to integrate an eclipse in your mythology (that’s where I thought the story was going at first). The story works great as is, but it may be something to consider.
Kit
Story: A girl struggles to contain the fire ants that have escaped from her ant farm, and must face the difficult decision of whether to kill them, which would go against everything she stands for.
Likes: I appreciated the fact that for Argyle, killing her ants was not a simple thing, and that she had to balance her feelings with the practicalities of the situation. I also like the way you integrated details of her life throughout your story.
Questions: Why the fire ants? It seems ill-advised, especially if this is her first colony.
Suggestions: Although the story is engaging in the first few pages, I feel like we don’t really start to understand the true gravity of the situation until page 5, which seems a bit late for such a short story. However, once the flashback is introduced, everything falls into place really well, and the character feels a lot more fleshed out than someone just trying to save their ants.
Izzy
Story: An artist, upset that the woman in the park he was painting disappeared, encounters a small girl and tries to keep an eye on her until he finds her mom, who was the woman he had been painting.
Likes: I liked the descriptions of the characters and scenery in this story. The opening also caught my attention, the sensation the character is feeling is familiar, but I think it is seldom described and you did a good job of it.
Questions: How did Mia get lost? How long was she separated from her mom? And what was the purpose of the conversation with the hot dog man (other than a distraction)?
Suggestions: I’d be interested to see a bit more of what the character’s life is like outside the park. Not necessarily full-blown backstory, but maybe some mentions of other parts of their life.
Cole
Story: A strange meteorite has caused unusual and dangerous happenings in a small town in Maine, and a resident of the town experiences the full extent of those happenings years after the mysterious death of their brother.
Likes: I liked the horror of the whole situation, especially the ending. Your descriptions and storytelling also managed to be vivid and trippy at the same time, which was very interesting to read.
Questions: What is the name of the town? And perhaps I missed it, but was the town there prior to the meteor strike?
Suggestions: In a few places, but especially at the beginning, you do a lot of telling about what happened, and it was a lot of information to process at once. The character’s and town’s backstories are interesting, but I don’t think they’re the best way to lead the reader into the story.
Cammy
Story: A couple goes on a camping trip, and finds a body. The wife wants to leave, and while trying to, is trapped in their car by a pack of wolves.
Likes: I liked that this story took a completely different direction than I was expecting… twice! I thought it would be a normal relationship-bonding story, but then it seemed to take a horror lean with the body, and then it seemed to go to a different kind of horror/thriller with the wolves.
Questions: Are there supernatural elements to this story? There seemed to be some unusual stuff happening, but nothing world-breakingly unnatural. Why didn’t either of them think to go to the authorities, which is what people often do when finding human remains in a lake? Are the human remains relevant to the rest of the story? What’s up with the fox? Why did you choose the present tense?
Suggestions: At the beginning of the story, you put s lot of the backstory out at once. To make it a little easier to take in, maybe you could incorporate parts of it into the dialogue of the characters, perhaps as they discuss their situation.
Gracie
Story: Two friends are at a cold beach together, and one is nearly lost to the sea and the despair inside of her.
Likes: I really liked your use of the ocean and weather to represent the feelings and struggles going on with Winter. I also like how you used the first person for each character, because it worked really well to get the reader into their heads.
Questions: Is there something specific that has caused Devyn to be as angry and pessimistic as he is? How did they meet?
Suggestions: I may have missed something, but I was a little confused about how long Devyn and Winter were separated for and how long he looked before finding her.
Scott
Story: A young man who has suffered the recent loss of his girlfriend goes about his day and encounters a woman and her son who are dealing with a similar situation to the one he had been.
Likes: I liked the way that you didn’t tell the readers what was happening right away, it kept me reading because I was very curious about your character. Showing his daily routine, and hinting about how parts are similar or different to before also gave a good idea of what your character is like and what he’s going through.
Questions: Is where you left off the ending?
Suggestions: I think it would be good for the readers to learn a little bit more about Marley, and what her and Seb’s relationship was like. There were only one or two moment that it was really touched on.
Alexa
Story: A man reminisces and spends time with his wife during her final days.
Likes: The ending was devastating, it really made me feel a lot of things. And I like how in many ways the story felt like a sunset. The beginning was a normal time at the bar, the middle had many “colors” of bittersweet moments from the past and present, and then at the end is a moment of despair when night finally comes.
Questions: What book was the character reading? And what is their name?
Suggestions: Although I do like the way the past and present are integrated in this story, there are times when it feels a bit all over the place. Maybe it would be possible to convey the same information in fewer flashbacks?
Alex
Story: A woman struggling with depression can see her children’s imaginary game, and while watching and eventually participating, is able to accept that she needs to seek professional support.
Likes: I liked your use of descriptions, and the way you wrote the fight scenes was amazing! I also thought it was nice that you connected each part of the battle she was watching to something she had experienced.
Questions: You put in a couple of places that Lou is on antidepressants, but her husband has been asking her to see someone. I’m not sure, but isn’t it usually the case that you have to see a psychiatrist to be prescribed antidepressants? And typically the psychiatrist uses other forms of therapy as well?
Suggestions: Although I like where you’ve placed the flashbacks in your story, it does occasionally feel like an interruption to the scene playing out.
Teresa
Story: A young woman accidentally hits a man with her car and buries him, and now has to hide from the fact that she has done this.
Likes: This is a very intense story, and it kept me reading because I wanted to find out what the character would do next.
Questions: What plans do you have for the rest of the story? Why didn’t the character call for help? What made her decide to bury this man (alive??) instead of helping or just leaving?
Suggestions: Instead of stating the character’s issues with anxiety, try and show the readers that she is struggling, and describe how things make her feel and how she responds in different situations because of it.
Mia
Story: A chef has a serious crush on one of his coworkers, but it turns out he is seeing someone else.
Likes: I really liked all the descriptions of activity in the kitchen; you really managed to capture the hustle and bustle, even though your main character was quite distracted.
Questions: How long has Trevor had this crush for? And why does he still have cigarettes in his bag if he hasn’t smoked in two years? What exactly was Jack planning to do in the backroom?
Suggestions: Perhaps you could add more to the second conversation with Jack? It is clear afterwards what is going on but it may give better closure if something was communicated between them, especially since they didn’t finish their earlier conversation.
Story 2
Jordyn
Story: A young woman with overprotective parents ends up staying at a strange man’s house during a snowstorm.
Likes: I liked how your main character was developed; her backstory played really well into her behavior and choices.
Questions: What is Maisie’s job? And I’m very curious to know more about Jasper.
Suggestions: It seems like you’ve taken this story in a wholesome direction, but unfortunately a lot of the details and vibes just give off red flags, such as Jasper’s continuous smirking, asking excessive questions about her life and giving few details of his own, and using her phone without asking.
Kenzie
Story: Two roommates go stargazing together, and one breaks the news that she is leaving school, and the two of them have to part ways.
Likes: You did a great job describing the sensations and scenery of the story, and the lack of dialogue at the end had a really nice effect.
Questions: Did you ever give the name of the POV character? And why did June wait so long to tell her roommate she was leaving?
Suggestions: The story was really nice, but I wish we could have seen more of the main character dealing with the fact that her roommate is leaving. She was upset, but at the very end it seemed like the struggle to say goodbye was already pretty much over.
Lizzie
Story: A couple who were formerly convicts are now struggling to make ends meet, and take on one last heist. However, one has her reservations and struggles to do what she needs to.
Likes: Your dialogue was very good, and the dynamic between the two leads was also very nice. We love a good heist couple, always in tune with each other, and when they’re not, they’re ready to talk about it.
Questions: What happened in the past that caused their arrest/departure? How does Gwen feel about going back to crime?
Suggestions: I would have liked to have seen their conversation about what happened, both because I think it is a crucial discussion for them to have and because I am curious about their shared backstory.
Sophie
Story: Five years after losing her best friend, a girl must face her friend’s parents and the trauma of that day.
Likes: The ending was incredibly sweet, and very satisfying. I also thought the contrast between Adelaide’s relationship with her mother and her relationships with other characters was interesting. I also loved the backstory of Pistachio’s name.
Questions: When does this story take place?
Suggestions: The car crash scene was very impactful, but the beginning part, leading up to the crash, was a little hard for me to picture (like where the car came from, where the girls were on the road).
Brady
Story: Two girls are running away together away from their parents’ expectations of their lives.
Likes: this story is full of sweet moments between these two characters (like the popcorn and haircuts), and I love their dynamic.
Questions: Is there a reason some words are randomly capitalized? I’m also curious about the details of their backstory.
Suggestions: I’d like to know more about why they’re running away, and some history on their relationship and memories together.
Jenna
Story: A new college student is struggling to adjust and make friends until she meets people that she can get along with, who show her that things might not be so bad.
Likes: I liked the wholesomeness of this story, and the good vibes/power of friendship in it. You really managed to capture the good side of making friends in college.
Questions: I may have missed it, but how far away does Bree actually live from college?
Suggestions: I’m a little confused that Harrison said he was projecting onto Bree when he described her situation at the beginning, but then later we see that he has a lot of friends and even a girlfriend and seems to be having a good time.
Izzy
Story: Some time after her husband commits suicide, a woman returns to their home and finds a note he left behind.
Likes: I liked the way you described how the character was feeling. The tension you created really made it seem like she was going to bolt at any moment, and yet a part of her had to stay.
Questions: Why didn’t a family member or friend accompany Mel? And did the two of them (Liam in particular) ever go to therapy or rehab of some kind during their relationship?
Suggestions: At first it seems like it’s only been a few months since the husband died, but on page 7 Mel says the anger about what happened had built up for years. I’m not sure which is the correct time frame.
Mackie
Story: A girl with cancer finds hope and learns to live when she gets a new friend, but then must deal with losing that friend.
Likes: This story was really emotional, and wholesome, even though it was very sad. I really loved the scenes of the girls playing and getting food together; they were very sweet and worked super well in the story.
Questions: How old are the characters in this story (I’m guessing teenagers or young teens)?
Suggestions: I do think the death scene is well done, but it may be more impactful if it was left out, and instead Barrie had to find out what happened to her friend after the fact.
Cammy
Story: A young woman has to face her ex-boyfriend who she is not over, and the conversation doesn’t go how she imagined.
Likes: I liked that the main character didn’t follow what they were originally intending to do. I thought it was interesting that after all that she still was thinking “this isn’t the end”. I also liked that the further into the conversation they got, the more messed up their relationship started to seem.
Questions: When Tess and Peyton are talking about Tess calling her mom, she says she won’t forgive him for what he did that night. What is this referring to?
Suggestions: Maybe show a little more of the good parts of their relationship? It seems like Tess is struggling to get over him a lot, so there must have been something she remembers other than the bad times.
Bridget
Story: An elderly veteran tells his wife, who has Alzheimer’s, the story of how they met and fell in love.
Likes: This story was very sweet, and I really liked the ending. The reflections on memories and the way you led into some of the heavier details was really nice.
Questions: Why was Billy so nervous for his date with Edith, especially when he ended up pretty much ignoring her?
Suggestions: I wish we had seen a few more memories from their lives, even just in a quick montage format.
Cole
Story: This is a story version of a film a man made for and about the woman he loves, who was dying of cancer.
Likes: I liked that the ending made it seem like anything that happened before it could have been part of the movie, including the conversation about making it. I also liked the movie theater scene a lot.
Questions: Why didn’t she tell him sooner? Why did you italicize her lines?
Suggestions: What was the scene with the truck about? Was it something that happened to them, or does it have some other relevance? I think it is an interesting sequence, but I’m not sure of its purpose, and I felt like it came out of nowhere.
Alexa
Story: A writer going into the woods to battle her writer’s block tries to save a girl from jumping off a bridge, but they both fall off.
Likes: The prose, especially in the earlier part of the story, read like poetry. Your use of imagery and sentence structure is wonderful and conveys the scenery and emotions so well.
Questions: Did the guy from the beginning actually kill himself? In what specific ways did the relationship between them impact her?
Suggestions: I’m curious about the last line of your story, and I feel like perhaps hinting a little more about your character’s backstory and thoughts about their past actions might clarify it.
Gracie
Story: A girl struggles to define and act on her feelings for her friend, and eventually they lose their friendship and relationship because of it.
Likes: I liked your use of the text in this story. The spacing, line breaks, font size, and so on made it interesting to read and helped carry the impact of your words. I also liked the way many parts of the story felt a little nostalgic, like the character was looking back and telling them with fondness.
Questions: What kind of issues was Sophia having in her relationship with Asher/how were they able to work around them? In what way(s) was Asher right for her that Noah wasn’t?
Suggestions: A lot happened in this story, which isn’t bad necessarily; relationships in real life are complicated and messy, and can have many phases. However, for this story, you may want to focus in on a few key moments, maybe a point at the culmination of all this.
Teresa
Story: A man who fears a committed relationship meets a girl and falls in love with her, which inspires him to change.
Likes: This story was very sweet, and I enjoyed the banter the two main characters had. And although there were some references to modern technology, it still had a bit of a timeless quality to it.
Questions: What kind of factory does Jay work at?
Suggestions: The idea of the story is good, but I think the conflict needs to be heightened a little more. Maybe raise the stakes, or show more of Jay’s struggle with his doubts about a relationship. Let it get a little messy.
Scott
Story: Two people are running from a failed robbery, and they end up going to one’s estranged father for help.
Likes: The story was very exciting, and the tension behind them being on the run worked really well, especially in the gas station scene.
Questions: What is the story behind Boston’s alias? Why were they committing a robbery? What was Summer’s past like? What went wrong in the heist?
Suggestions: I think the story would benefit from a little more information about what led up to it. It seems a little unclear (at least to me) what the background of Boston and Summer are (other than Boston’s relationship with his father). I also wasn’t sure why they were committing the crime, or why they failed.
Mia
Story: A young woman finally has reached the breaking point and after a fight with her abusive fiancé, ends up running away on the night of her wedding rehearsal.
Likes: I really liked the way the main character’s thoughts, especially about her fiancé, contradicted each other in places. I also liked how in the end she didn’t try talking to him, she just left.
Questions: I may have missed it, but where does this story take place? And exactly how poor was Theo’s family?
Suggestions: The beginning was a little confusing, mostly because I was unsure of what the marriage situation was (married or engaged) but also because I was confused in the first piece of dialogue whether Preston or the concierge was talking. (Sidenote that it might add something to the story if we learned his name at the end)
Alex
Story: An FBI agent on a mission to take out members of a gang and propose to her girlfriend is severely injured, but eventually is able to do both.
Likes: I liked the way the beginning of the story repeated after the context, and I loved how both of the main characters and their relationship felt so well developed. The fight scenes were also well described.
Questions: What is keeping Reyes from getting a different job? Especially now, when having this one could put the person she loves most in danger?
Suggestions: This story is very dense. Although I loved every minute of it, it was a lot.
